This blog started as a lighthearted creative outlet. The idea was to have a place where I could post about the area I lived in, share projects that I worked on with my family, and write some prose. For awhile I was great about posting. I had an editorial calendar and a running list of different ideas to write about at any given time. This blog was something that I shared with my family, friends, and the larger internet community. Over time, life got in the way. Balancing the needs of three children, getting through a global pandemic and lockdowns, starting homeschooling, and dealing with some of the harsh realities of life was a lot and this blog was usually the easiest thing to cut our of my schedule.
Over the years I have had a lot of stops and starts with this blog. I keep wanting to come back to it, but then life gets in the way again. The fact that I always want to come back feels important though. I love to write and this blog holds so much possibility for a creative outlet for me. I have thought about getting a new page and trying a fresh start for my blog, but I can’t bring myself to step away from Plaid Polka Dots. My mom passed away last June. Losing her devastated me and I want to hold onto every shred of her that I have left. I remember brainstorming names for this blog with her and talking about it all the time. Even through times when I barely touched this blog, she always came to check out what I had been writing. She encouraged me to write through my whole life and I feel like continuing to write on this site holds that space open for her still, as if she could still stop by and check out what I’ve been writing the way that she always did.
The past two years have been so hard. My daughter had scary medical issues that led to multiple hospitalizations and surgeries. As she recovered, my mom got sick – and then we lost her. We tried for five years to get pregnant with another baby, and when we finally did, it seemed like it happened just in time for some of the worst moments of my life. My light shining in the darkness – Cara Colleen was born in December. Getting through the newborn stage while grieving my mom was so unbelievably difficult, but I was doing it. Then in February, when my daughter was two months old – we lost my dad. At 33 years old, I had lost both of my parents (who were only 50 and 52 and should have had so much more life to life). My world was shattered. The people who created me were gone, and I became so untethered. I lost sight of myself and to be honest, even still, I don’t really know who I am anymore, but I am trying to figure it out.
In the past, I tried to write this blog for an audience. If I was going to sit down to write, I wanted it to be upbeat and polished. I wanted to present my best self to the world. I avoided controversial topics like religion and politics, in order to make sure I could create a blog that would appeal to the greatest audience. I have always been shy, and in many ways I have kept a wall between my inner worlds and what I will share with others. I am going to try to bring that wall down a little bit now. For now that means that I will no longer write for an audience, whether I eventually decide to share this blog with others remains to be seen. More than anything else, writing on this page is my therapy. I can’t promise any clear direction or niche right now beyond focusing on my own healing, parenting, homeschooling, and life. I can’t promise much, but I am going to do my best to be as open and honest as possible while trying to navigate grief and rediscover myself.
If you are someone who happens to be interested in following that journey wherever it may lead, welcome aboard!