Since the last time I posted on this page, my dad died. I had been slowly climbing out of my pit of grief from my mom’s death. Writing was something that I had just found my way back to doing, and I hoped that it would help me cope and process my feelings. When my dad died, every bit of progress that I might have made was crushed, and I found myself feeling lower than ever before.
I have never before experienced grief like this and it’s hard. Grief changes you. I feel so far from the person who I was when I started this blog. I’m not sure if I can get back to that person, or even if I want to. Everything feels different now. One thing that hasn’t changed is wanting to write. I have barely written in the past year. It feels harder than ever. It also feels more important than ever.
Part of me wants to start fresh with a new blog. It is a great outlet for writing, but I feel so disconnected from Plaid Polka Dots and who I was when I started this. At the same time, my mom was my most avid reader and I like feeling like I’m writing in the same place where she could be reading.
I am going to try to make some changes to this site to get that fresh start feeling that I am craving without actually getting a new site. I’m not sure exactly what will change yet, but I am hoping it will be enough to keep me writing – which is really what this blog is all about.